She is in her late twenties with an impressive career and happily married to her sweetheart. Life has been a blessing to her, and she accepted everything with grace and perfection until motherhood knocks her door. Just like any other woman in the world, she was on top of happiness and joy while announcing her pregnancy news to the family members. She started a connection with her baby and felt her heart beat inside her. Soon baby started kicking, and she felt the mesmerising effect of being a mother. But one night, she felt the baby is not moving anymore, and this panicked her. While shifting towards the hospital, she knew something is not right. And soon her worst fear was standing in front of her -she lost her baby.
Tears rolled down her cheek, and she felt numb and lifeless, she wanted to scream, but her voice buried under her overwhelming emotions. She realised that she born as a mother but ‘gift of life’ is not around her.
People may not give her a designation of the mother from a sense of conventional yardsticks as they can’t see a living baby with her. However, for her, she is always a mother with the ingrained quality of attachment with the baby.
Days passed, so does the months, and everything became as normal as it could be, except for her attachment. She noticed her friends and family tried to avoid the talk of her baby. They suggested her to move on from the past and be strong as she was in her profession.
“Be strong _but why I needed to be strong “she inquired
“Isn’t a mother is supposed to be soft and why is it necessary to mask the emotions ” she wondered.
Her grief reaction of feeling sad and anxious labelled her as a weak personality. Despite the high degree of stress during her pregnancy journey, she was asked to perform exceptionally in her office setting. No one understands the emotional response of crying, irritability and anger is a part of the bereavement process. Avoiding talking about her baby is not going to soothe her, rather halting her normal reactions.
In the journey of pregnancy, there is a strong bond develop between a mother and a child. The ever-lasting connection always let feel a woman as a mother whether a child comes to the world healthy or not. Hence, avoidance of talking of an emotional roller coaster ride of a woman’s journey is not practical. Let her not be ‘so strong’ with her inseparable connection .
Often we avoid talking about emotional journey of a pregnancy ,but sometime mother needs to be recognise and valued even without the baby.